AUDIENCE MEMBER SAID
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DAVE SAID
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DAVE THOUGHT
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"You were really funny!"
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"Thanks."
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"Thanks."
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"You know, you didn't look like you were going to be funny. But then you were!"
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"Thanks."
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"I'm glad you were open to changing your mind. I kind of love you, despite your hair-trigger judgmentalism."
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"Funny. Crazy. Silly. Funny. Silly. Silly. Silly."
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"Uh, yeah, uh, thanks, uh, 'crazy,' uh, 'silly?', OK, thanks."
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"Redundant. Redundant. Redundant. Incomplete sentences. Thanks."
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"YOU were funny!"
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"Oh, well, I don't know, gee whiz, but thanks."
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"I really don't want you to think that other people weren't funny. I truly want the entire show, and each and every comedian, to be hilarious. . . . But if you're going to go to the trouble of singling out one person as funny, I definitely want that person to be me."
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[nothing]
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[nothing]
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"Why can't you be more like these other people?"
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"You didn't look like someone who's funny!"
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"Oh. Thanks. Maybe."
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"Yeah, I've heard that before."
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"That song about _______ was hilarious!"
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"Thanks! I'm glad you liked it."
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"Oh, so you didn't like all the other songs?"
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"Hey, there's that funny guy I like!" (from a four-year-old girl I sat next to on a plane, after seeing me in the terminal after the flight)
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Nothing. (She was shouting it from 100 feet away.)
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"Kids are so wise."
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"You had me bustin' a gut!"
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"Good!"
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"I bear no responsibility for any medical expenses incurred due to my comedic output. Please sign this release form . . ."
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"Did anyone ever tell you that you don't look like a comedian?"
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"Actually, yeah."
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"I guess I should just accept this."
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